Twist of Lemon

I know it has been quite awhile since I have posted.  The only excuse I have is when I am not wokring, or working at home I have been reading a lot.  I come up with great ideas for posts while I am stuck in traffic, but I hardly have the energy to type them up once I am home.  I have also been trying hard to exercise on a consistant basis.  The good news is I have been fairly sucessful.  The only problems I have is with all the thin people that use the gym at the complex here.  There is only one exercise bike, and I like to spend my cardio time pedaling and reading.  So imagine my ire when I went tonight to find som thin fit guy using the bike, and then when he was done gallantly offering it over to the thin blonde chick even though I had been patiently waiting.  Well I lifted some weights and waited themout.  I hate fit people!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I want to be thinner, more fit, whatever you want to call it.  It really isn’t for my health, no matter how much I would like it to be.  Really it is to feel more accepted and loved.  I find myself wondering how my life would be different if I felt attractive again.  I believe I would have more self confidence.  How would finally being fit affect my life for the better?  I also worry that even if I do make it to my goal, that I won’t be content.  I’ll just wish I could recapture my youth, or get trapped in the pit of nostalgia.

I guess I better get to the point where I have met my fitness goal before I worry about anything past that point.

Well it is time to try again.  After a week of self hatred I am finally crawling out of my own personal pit of despair.  I want to be fit and I want to look good again.  So I am back to tracking every calorie, and hopefully starting  a workout program.  One nice thing about the move for the job is that we are now on the second floor of an apartment building, and our unit is nowhere near the elevator.  At work I have to take numerous stairs over the course of a day.  The apartment complex also has a workout room, but I am so adverse to others seeing me that I am not sure I will use it.  I do know that in about a years time my friend Gabby is going to make me attend our 20th high school reunion, and by that time I want to be in better shape, and to possibly have met my weight loss goal.

Wish me luck.

I am having a crisis of sorts today. Have you ever had the feeling that your life is without purpose? I have spent most of the day today reading a very interesting blog, and feeling that my life has been just so, well, mundane. I can’t think of a single thing that I have accomplished that really matters in the big scheme of things. Maybe the best is yet to come, but who can tell? Maybe I do have a novel somewhere deep in my mind just waiting to get out. Maybe I need to actually work on that.

I think this is one of the reasons I wish Brain and I could have a child of our own. I think that raising a child of our own could be the best thing that Brian and I could ever do. Finding Brian was the best thing that has happened in my life so far, and I think our child would be a wonderful person.

Well so yeah, it was Mr. Bitter’s birthday yesterday and he is still waiting for your gift gentle reader.  Well not actually, and thank you to those who have sent good wishes [you know who you are].  I have been meaning to post for the last few days, but things have been busy, and last night when I had a breather I just plain fell asleep.  Fun times.

Work has been very interesting and is looking to get much more busy in the next few weeks.  I really enjoy the people I work with and the challenges of my new position.  This week has been tough since we have both the MDA and the IMS in auditing us and one of our customers just called to set up a supplier audit for June.  And my boss is having me do an analysis of how much needs to be done to meet our planned quality system implementation.  I don’t feel like I have time to get much done when I get home either.

So what did this birthday mean to me?  Feeling older and really, really thinking about how much I would like to raise a child.  When Brain graduates and becomes employed again, I know what I would like to do with the extra money.  I am thinking baby fund.  Wish me luck!

So after work today I drove all the way home, and then about an hour and a half later, drove back into the city.  Brain and some of his school chums were meeting for dinner at Rosedale, and since I was invited I headed on over.  After dinner Brain and I went strolling through the mall.  Luckily Brian has a sharp eye, or I would have missed seeing our friends Jessi and Eric!  We all had a nice little chat and then Brain and I headed back home to the cell.  The reason I bring all all this up?  My next Getting to Know You / Answer Me Damnit question:

What do you do that particularly makes you feel like an adult?

I bring this up because I never feel so adult as when I am navigating, by myself, to somewhere I have never been before.  Or like tonight somewhere I have been before but by a totally unfamiliar route.  This is probably why some of my favorite holidays have been those where I have driven to my destinaiton.  I like being able to stop wherever takes my fancy along the way.  It isn’t as much fun, like tonight, when I have to be someplace on time and I have never driven there before.  But I still feel like “Damn I’m good!” when I get where I am trying to go without incident.

Look what my guy got me for our anniversary [13 years and counting]!

Tonight I was watching a repeat of the Daily Show that had an interview with John Bolton, late of the U.N. He made a comment about Pakistan and keeping a fundamentalist Islamic regime from coming to power and gaining control of nuclear weapons. This made me think, “Why yes we should keep power out of the hands of religious fundamentalists.” Then I thought, “Wait, wait, what is happening in my own country?!” It seems odd to me that our government is opposed to fundamentalist governments in other countries and yet over the years has come more and more under the sway of fundamentalists and evangelical Christians. I wonder what will become of freedom of religion.

I came across some photos today that made me sad and angry.

When did clerks start getting over-familiar?!?  The other day I was minding my own business, picking up milk at the local quickie mart, when the guy behind the counter says “Have a nice day, Bob.”  Ok first of all did you just call me Bob?!?    And why are you getting my name off my debit card, that seems really creepy.  If you are going to try and foster good will with me as a customer, why don’t you try using my real name, Mr. Wagner!  No where on my card does it say “Bob” and so help me God it never will!