Twist of Lemon

Last Wednesday I got a call at work from my father. He was calling to let me know my Grandfather had died. Now this did and did not come as a shock, my Grandpa Butch was not in the best health, and suffered a heart attack. Now I love my family, but you can love someone and just not like them very much at times. So remember that while reading the rest of this post. My Grandmother is not a pleasant woman. In fact she is one of the most self centered people I have ever met, and i wonder if my Grandfather didn’t just die to escape. I am quite sure he is in a better place. My Grandmother will live for a very long time I am sure, only the good die young and all that.

Well now for the drama and comedy. It went down like this. My folks did the arrangements for the flight to Indiana. We flew out of Minneapolis at 07:00, so that meant the folks picked Brain and I up at 05:30. Neither Dad nor Mom had much [or any ] sleep, and Dad missed the exit for the airport. After Brain dropped us off we went to check in our bags, and then went to the longest security line I had seen in quite awhile. If we were lucky we would just make our flight. Luckily the crabby woman guarding the empty first class line took pity on me and asked if I was traveling alone. As I was hungry and wanted to get some food before running for the plane I said “Yes!” leaving my parents to their fate and hopped into the empty line. She asked my folks if they were a couple, and after a false start [where my Dad said there were three of them..Hey Dad I already ditched you two...] she let them in the quick lane. I managed to get a nasty pastry to eat on the plane as I ran to the gate. Once we arrived in Indianapolis and got the rental car it was more fun and games. So my parents didn’t sign me up to be able to drive the rental, and with them both being sleepy we had a few false starts before we got onto the highway we needed to get to Mom’s hometown.  We did catch a meal on the way to my Grandmother’s house, at Steak and Shake [a personal fave].  Why is this important to the story?  It isn’t but eating at a good Steak and Shake ranks high in my book of good things.

So we arrived at my Grandmother’s at about 12:30 and went through some pictures of my Grandfather for the boards at the visitation with her and my aunt.  If there is anything good about a funeral I think going over the pictures and reminiscing about the departed is it.  Then my Mom and aunt went to get ready for the visitation, leaving my Dad and me wigth my Grandmother.  Did I mention that her house had the heat on, in May, set to 78F ?  And she had the radio on, to a country station?  And she was still sort of bitching about my Grandfather [yeah the dead one]?  That is my idea of Purgatory.

The visitation went well.  Almost all of my aunts, uncles and their families showed up.  I got to catch up with most everyone, and no one seemed to be pissed off at anyone else.  After four hours at the funeral home, a bunch of us went out for dinner and then my folks dropped me off at my Grandfather Bob’s [Mom's actual father] where I was staying.  So I got to stay in comfort, while Mom and Dad had to go back to Grandma’s to sleep in the sauna.

The actual funeral was the next afternoon.  And I think I forgot to mention that my Grandmother has gone back to religion in her waning years and her church is the Baptist church.  Now a few years ago when my youngest aunt passed away, the sermon at the funeral was given by a member of my Grandmother’s church and he used the whole time to proselytize, which made me very angry as my aunt was a lesbian and would not have been accepted by the church if alive, but he used her death as a means to try and get more members into the church.  Well Grandma had asked this same man to do the sermon at my Grandfather’s funeral.  This was my idea of hell.  As he droned on for the next 35 to 40 minutes I tried to use the time to remember the good times I had spent with my Grandfather, and to think of what he meant to me.  After the burial and the meal at my Grandmother’s church, the family gathered back at my Grandmother’s house and spent the time catching up with each other until late in the night.

It has been a long week. After what seemed like an eternity of travel I arrived home from Jersey late last Tuesday night, and I just haven’t been in the mood to post for the last week. Work is starting to seem like, well, work. Good thing I have a training class tomorrow, something different to think about for the day. So want a recap of my week? No? Tough.

Since I don’t do well sleeping in beds other than my own I was super tired once I got back into town. I’m talking going to bed at 6 PM tired. But luckily after a few days of that I was back on track, just in time for the weekend! Friday night Brian and I got to go out to eat and then to a movie with our friend Sue. Sue is good company and I even got to meet her cats, one of which easily beats my cuddle lump Elliot in the size department. We went to see Iron Man, which despite the good reviews I was unsure about. I don’t know about you, but movies featuring Robert Downey Jr. as the lead worry me. And I am not big on non-mutant Marvel superheroes. But this time the critics were correct, it was a decent film that held our interest throughout. Dinner was good too, except for me dripping almost every course onto my shirt. Thank goodness for Sue and her trusty Tide pen!

Saturday night I had tickets for Lily Tomlin’s appearance at St Kate’s. Rachel M agreed to be my date. We started out the evening at the Chatterbox Pub in St. Paul. The food was pretty good, I didn’t get to try any drinks, but the atmosphere was great. Check out their site, they even have games for guests to play. I was a little disappointed in the main event. I had seen Lily Tomlin in the Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe years ago, and about half of the show this night was a reprise of characters from that show. Rachel mentioned she would have liked to have seen more of the Edith Ann character. The best part of the evening in my opinion was the Q&A session after the main performance.

Sunday I felt down again, so I called over to the folks and made my excuses. Don’t feel bad my Mom was sleeping anyhow. I then spent the whole day watching episode after episode of Corner Gas as I now have the first five seasons. Great show, very Canadian, very charming, often quite funny. If you ever do see it, ponder which character you are most like. I think I am a sort of cross between Emma and Brent. I have actually been watching episodes every night since Sunday and am now ready to start on the fourth season.

Well I had to travel on out to New Jersey for a training class. If you are interested it is for a new quality standard for the food industry. Anyhow though I only saw the insides of three airports, two planes and one hotel so far, it has been interesting. It started on the leg from Minneapolis to Chicago, when the nice flight attendant announced that a church choir heading overseas was going to sing a hymn for all of us on the flight. Now I wish I had a writing implement at the time, because I could then tell you which hymn, but quite honestly they all sound the same to me. I was not thrilled, and I wonder what the obviously Hasidic Jews on the flight thought.

Then there was the leg from Chicago to Newark I could have sworn that one of the flight attendants was no other than Joanna Lumley! That is if she were from Atlanta.  And the one male flight attendant, well he was a Latin hunk, with a strong South American accent, a nice bod and a Ricardo Montalban voice.  Too bad he wore so much cologne.  Actually the whole trip has proved to be eye candy abundant, from the passengers to the airline staff to the guy who drove the airport shuttle.  Speaking of the drive to the Hotel, the Jersey turnpike system is fairly strange for a guy form the Midwest.  Instead of paying tolls during the trip the drivers just collect a ticket upon entering the tollway and then pay for the distance driven on the tollway upon exiting. A great idea if you ask me [and probably anyone who has traveled through Chicago by car]. Also they highway speeds are variable, with signs that can be changed to allow for different road conditions.

So I arrived in Newark on time, and after a short trip form the airport went to check in at my hotel.  Awaiting check in I was as confused as everyone else about the strange buzzing noise that seemed to be coming form the front desk.  It wasn’t until I headed off to the elevator that I realized it was coming from my luggage. Now get your minds out of the gutter, it turned out to be my toothbrush! After unpacking in my kick ass room [Jacuzzi suite! Woot!], I headed down to the bar, where I had a couple drinks, some food and played a few games of network trivia.  Oh and I think I was scoped a bit by two different guys, one of which smelled nice.  Weird if true, but who ever really knows if they are actually being scoped, I sure don’t, but it seemed very possible.

So now after a nice soak in the Jacuzzi, I am going to adjust my sleep number bed and get some shut eye!

Well it is time to try again.  After a week of self hatred I am finally crawling out of my own personal pit of despair.  I want to be fit and I want to look good again.  So I am back to tracking every calorie, and hopefully starting  a workout program.  One nice thing about the move for the job is that we are now on the second floor of an apartment building, and our unit is nowhere near the elevator.  At work I have to take numerous stairs over the course of a day.  The apartment complex also has a workout room, but I am so adverse to others seeing me that I am not sure I will use it.  I do know that in about a years time my friend Gabby is going to make me attend our 20th high school reunion, and by that time I want to be in better shape, and to possibly have met my weight loss goal.

Wish me luck.

This is very well done, but NSFW.

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