Twist of Lemon

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I want to be thinner, more fit, whatever you want to call it.  It really isn’t for my health, no matter how much I would like it to be.  Really it is to feel more accepted and loved.  I find myself wondering how my life would be different if I felt attractive again.  I believe I would have more self confidence.  How would finally being fit affect my life for the better?  I also worry that even if I do make it to my goal, that I won’t be content.  I’ll just wish I could recapture my youth, or get trapped in the pit of nostalgia.

I guess I better get to the point where I have met my fitness goal before I worry about anything past that point.

Being deeply unhappy with my current state of health I have decided it is time to make some changes.  Typically lacking in willpower I am going to try something in order to hold myself more accountable in reaching my goal.  I will be posting updates here.  Currently I am suffering from major lower back pain, and I believe it is indicative of my current level of fitness.  So here is the plan.  I currently weigh 280 lbs and want to be down to 200 lbs by the end of December 2009.  I also want to be exercising on a regular basis by April 2009.

Stay tuned for updates…

I just finished a good book and thought I would share.

Child of a Rainless Year by Jane Lindskold focuses on the character of Mira, taken from the only home she has ever known at the age of nine, after the disappearance of her mother.  Placed into foster care with a loving couple who hide what they know of her past, she grows into a skilled artists, but hides her light under a bushel, afraid that whomever made her mother disappear will come after her next.  After spending most of her adult life as an art teacher in Ohio, she moves back to the town of her birth in New Mexico to find the answer to her mother’s whereabouts.

Child of a Rainless Year is a wonderful tale of magical realism and I recommend it highly.